Moving from self-blame to God's grace

It was a myth to believe that we would be protected from life’s sadness. We live in a broken world and just as others go through seasons of anguish, so shall we. There are signs of suffering all around us if we open our eyes to them. I used to think bad things only happened to other people. Then one day my son died. Up until his cancer diagnosis he’d been a healthy boy. What caused the tumor? Doctors had no clue. As a mother, I wondered if I’d done something wrong during pregnancy. Was it because I got food poisoning during my sixth month? It must be my fault, something I could have controlled.Sorrow happens. How will we handle it? Will we ask God to come alongside and walk with us through it? Or will we continue to blame ourselves until we can barely hold our head up?

The sheer vastness and devastation of sorrow is summed up in this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Sorrow makes us all children again—destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing.”

Allow yourself to ask the tough questions. Many of these hold no understandable earthly answer. Can you live with not knowing why?

Prayer

God, I pray for a respite from my tears and questions today. Meet me in my struggles.


~ Excerpt from Getting Out of Bed in the Morning
To order your copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache, click here.

Hope!

In life there is much sorrow, but there is also much hope.

The Bible speaks of faith, hope and love. (I. Cor. 13:13)

"What does the word hope mean to you? . . . Pray for those who have no hope." ~ Getting Out of Bed in the Morning

Let hope surround you today.

Breathe it in.

Share it.

Live hope.

Give us this day our daily bread

Order your copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning today.

What is a Giving it Over to God calendar?

Keep a “Giving It over to God” calendar where you can see it each day. On this calendar (make sure it has large squares), place a mark or some emblem to signify a problem that you are handing over to God. You could write the letter “J” for jealousy on the square for today, meaning you are giving over to God your difficulty with the problem of being envious of your neighbor or friend. Or perhaps you will write the letter “F” because you need to give over your refusal to forgive, and now is the day to do that. As you place these markings on your calendar, ask God to take your difficulty or your sin and teach you how to grow out of it, away from it, and toward His likeness. Like a baby, we have to be weaned from our dependency or patterns into healthier mature attitudes.


Growing up means change. Where we once doubted, we now see. Experience has opened our eyes. We have experienced God’s grace, forgiveness, love, and power; and so when a new situation arises, we have this history with God to bank on. He was with us when our spouse left. He provided for us when we were let go from our place of employment. He sent comfort when we received the devastating diagnosis. He has been with us all along. He will continue to be with us so that we can live, even thrive. Although we have not seen Jesus in the flesh as the disciples did, we have been privileged to walk in His spirit each day.

~ excerpt from Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache
Order your copy today from Amazon.

Getting Out of Bed in the Durham Herald-Sun: Comfort in Heartache

A devotional of ‘comfort in heartache’

Alice Wisler hopes to help others deal with loss with ‘Getting Out of Bed in the Morning’


BY DAWN BAUMGARTNER VAUGHAN; dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 919-419-6563


DURHAM —

In the wake of the death of her 4-year-old son Daniel in 1997, Alice Wisler formed a grief organization to help other parents. Also an author of several fiction books, Wisler’s latest is a devotional. “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” (Leafwood Publishers, softcover, $13.99) is a collection of 40 devotionals for those dealing with various kinds of losses in their lives.

The idea for the devotional was formed as Wisler, who lives in Durham, went on walks, and each devotional includes ideas for contemplation while on a walk. It also includes a prayer, Bible verses and Wisler’s own personal stories of life and loss.

Daniel, who died after eight months of cancer treatments, would have been 21 now. The anniversary of his death is Feb. 2. What Wisler’s book shows, and what she experiences, is that “there is a God that sustains us through misery.”

What’s helped her be sustained is being around other believers who encourage and support her, Wisler said. A member of Blacknall Presbyterian Church, which she joined in 2002, Wisler has found that other members are willing to learn about Daniel and acknowledge his death.

“Bereaved parents want acknowledgement,” she said. They’re still grieving their child and still missing their child, always. Parents don’t want a pity party, Wisler said, just the acknowledgement that attending something like a celebratory event is hard.

Through donations, 106 copies of “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning” were sent this week to Newtown United Methodist Church in Connecticut, the community where 20 children and six adults were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December. Victims included church members.

Writing has been a form of solace, great peace and hope after her son’s death, Wisler said. She hopes people will find encouragement from her book, with a message to point to God. It helps to see what God has to say about bereavement, grief and fear, she said, and “how we can live in spite of the suffering.”

Below is an excerpt from “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” by Alice J. Wisler:

(Pages 44-47, devotion Seven)
“Rescue Me!”

. . . my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you. — Psalm 88:9

Observing a temper tantrum in a child is no easy feat. We watch a child asking for a cookie, and then when denied she continues to beg, and then the begging leads to wailing. Nine times out of ten, kicking and screaming follow. Sometimes the only way to stop the escalating behavior is to pick the child up and hold her until she, at last, is exhausted and settles in her parent’s arms.

As adults, often we’re still like a child. We vacillate between wanting to pull away, storm out, go our own way, and wanting to be rescued from ourselves. Somebody hold me, help me take my eyes off of me and my dilemma and focus on something else.

At times, like a child, we get to a place where we are totally out of sorts, unable to even see or think clearly anymore. Life seems to have swallowed us whole. We are in dire need of help. Open your eyes and look to the One who is standing beside you, His arms outstretched. He wants to pick you up and hold you until your tears and frustration cease.

When a mother came back home from a Mary Kay party with more makeup on than she usually wore, her four-year-old daughter stood at a distance for a moment before running into her arms. Then smiling into her face, the child said, “I know it’s you, Mommy! I know you’re in there.” While you might put on a new façade in the form of a different hairstyle or article of clothing, you can’t fool those who are closest to you. They still recognize you. How much more acquainted with you is God! He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you more than anyone ever can or will.


Reflections to Ponder
Close your eyes and spread out your hands. Lift them up over your head. Stretch them out in front of you, palms up. Imagine God reaching out for you. Spend a few moments in silence. Listen for God’s stirrings in your heart. Close and then open your hands as though you are giving your concerns over to God. Read aloud Psalm 88:9: “. . . my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.” In response to this verse, read also Psalm 18:19: “He [the Lord] brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”

If you feel overwhelmed by what you feel your life is lacking or what you think is not right, jot down your concerns. Sometimes releasing your pent-up discontent helps because you are getting it out of your mind and letting the paper hold the weight of it. What troubles you? Can you put your fears on paper? Do you believe that the Lord will counsel you as you seek Him (Ps. 16:7)?

Prayer:
Save me for I am drowning.
Save me for I worry.
Save me for I fear.
Save me for I am consumed with despair.
Save me, O God.
You have rescued me
from drowning, from worry,
from fear, and from despair.
Thank you, O God.

When You Walk:
Find a park to walk to and a place to sit. On a note pad, list what you know about God to be true. How will you implement these truths in your daily life?

[Excerpt courtesy of author and Leafwood Publishers]


WHAT: Author reading, “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” by Alice J. Wisler. There will also be soup and cornbread.
WHEN: 10 a.m. to noon, Feb. 9
WHERE: Blacknall Presbyterian Church Fellowship Hall
1902 Perry St., Durham

Printed in the Durham Herald-Sun in the Faith and More section / January 31, 2013
Copyright 2013

To read reviews and order Getting Out Of Bed in the Morning, click here.

A taste of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning

Each of my chapters in my devotional come with scripture, reflections, and prayers, as well as things to do if you walk. Below is an excerpt from page 118.


Prayer
Dear Lord, may I choose to be disciplined to seek
the good, the excellent, the praise-worthy in this
day. Help me to lift my head and my arms up so
that my spirit may be lifted.

When You Walk
Carry a note pad or recording device with you on your
walk today so that you can jot down or record ideas that
come to you about ways to celebrate life. These can be
simple things, such as inviting a friend over for coffee, or
more involved, like redecorating a room in your home.
Think of things that give you joy.

Paint a picture, grow an herb garden, take a class and
learn something new. There are dozens of possibilities to
add some zest to your life as you find ways to celebrate
who you are.
~ Alice J. Wisler
Copyright 2012

The Arrival of Getting Out of Bed (GOOB)

"You are a work of art in progress."

Yesterday, I was the happy recipient of a box of books titled Getting Out of Bed in the Morning. My two daughters (my son was at work) and husband were able to share in some of my excitement over the contents with me. My daughters breathed in the aroma of the pages, something I've taught them to do. There is nothing like the special scent of a newly-published book. Especially when your name is on the cover as the author.

Holding a copy of my devotional was a dream come true. I savored the feel of both the book and my heart. This book is compiled of forty devotions and a large piece of my broken heart.

In 1997 my son Daniel died after eight months of cancer treatments. He was four. I was thirty-six. I was angry with God for not healing him. The cancer hadn't killed him; it was the severe treatments that compromised his body. A staph infection took over and eventually his heart stopped. He died in my arms.

I was pregnant at the time. While my baby kicked inside the womb, my son gritted his teeth and left this earth. Three months to the day of his death, my fourth child, Elizabeth was born.

Getting out of bed each morning after Daniel's death was surreal. How could my son be gone? How could I still be alive? What was wrong with God? Why hadn't he saved my little boy from death? How would I live now? What was the point of going on?

I wrestled with questions, primarily to God. Why? How come? How could you? Why?

I wanted to die.

I didn't get to.

Instead, I put one foot in front of the other. And at the end of each day, I went to bed and woke to try again the next morning. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Deep breaths.

I would never ask God for anything again.

I knew too well that He could say, No.

Journaling was a lifeline. So was the support of the Wake County, North Carolina Compassionate Friends group. Some books helped. I wrote articles that made it into print magazines. I founded Daniel's House Publications and through it, compiled two cookbooks of recipes and memories in memory of children, who like my Daniel, had died way too soon. Slices of Sunlight came out in 1999 and two years later, Down the Cereal Aisle followed. I had an online newsletter.

I cried and missed my son. Birthdays came and I sent balloons up to him in Heaven. Christmases made me hollow and I was glad when the season ended.

I spoke at conferences. I taught on the benefits of writing through grief. I met some wonderful people---real people----the kind that know they are broken and that life is not for wimps.

I wanted to write a book on how God fit into my struggle. Believe me, I tried. I had agents and editors interested, but nothing stuck.

Until . . .

Last year, Leafwood Publishers said, Yes! This publisher took my fragile mother's heart and said, We believe in you. We read your words. You do have something to say.

I wrote Getting Out of Bed in the Morning to offer a morsel of hope to those without. I want to share with others that although they are weak and struggle, they aren't alone. God is the provider of the daily bread, the wisdom, the cup of cold water, the balm of healing, the hope of tomorrow. He has this awesome thing called sustaining grace. He supplies it. And He loves us, no matter how battered we might feel.

God is for the broken hearted.

God is for you.


To order an autographed copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning , head over to my Broken Psalms blog (join it, if you'd like) and visit the Rivers of Life Gift Shop.

[This post also appears on my Broken Psalms blog and my Writing the Heartache blog.]

Getting Out of Bed in the Morning!

My new devotional is nearly here! Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache is due in December. Here's a bit about this book from the publishers' catalogue:



Getting Out of Bed in the Morning motivates readers who are facing grief and loss to get out of bed and face a life which, although diminished by unfathomable sadness, still holds purpose and beauty.

Written in devotional format, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning is a companion for those going through sorrow associated with loss—whether brought to the journey through the death of a loved one, failing health, job loss, broken relationships, or weakened family ties. Losses are real and raw; they often make people want to give up, quit trying. Yet, as readers discover how their circumstances can be used to lift hands to God, and in time reach others, they will see how God can use them to be people of encouragement and find beauty once again in a life worth living.

These forty devotionals address the painful hardships realistically, as well as the doubt, worry, and fear that come with them. The pages are packed with tips on how readers should take care of themselves and draw near to God so that healing is possible. Each devotional includes reflection, prayer, and suggestions for those who want to integrate walks into their daily routine.

1. AUDIENCE: All who feel bogged down and beaten by life, and who are looking for
renewed strength through their journey with God.

2. ESTABLISHED AUTHOR: Alice is the author of five novels: Rain Song (Christy Finalist), How Sweet It Is (Christy Finalist), Hatteras Girl, A Wedding Invitation, and Still Life in Shadows.

3. KNOWLEDGEABLE AUTHOR: Alice has a unique understanding of relying on God through
loss, having lost her four-year-old son, Daniel, to cancer.

Praise for author/title
“Getting Out of Bed in the Morning is a safe place to reconcile painful losses; a graceful guide through the uncharted and often complex landscape of grief and loss. Alice’s heart whispers an understanding that comes only from one who has tasted consuming heartache yet uncovered the hope of God’s sustaining grace.”
—Jo Ann Fore, author, founder of WriteWhereItHurts.org

Pre-order today! Head here to get a special price.